Letter to my 13-year old self: Girl Version

Wasup girlie!

Ok.. I was tempted to call you ‘kiddo’ but I know how much you hate being referred to as a kid. Trust me, when you are all grown up and away from the ‘nest’ you’ll wish you were a kid all over again.

Young girl, the sleeping sickness never went anywhere. Don’t ask how I’m managing without someone around to yell at me in a frantic bid to get me out of bed and make it on time to work (yeah, I’m confirming that you are going to be yet another grumbling taxpayer in your future).

Seeing that you’ll be doing your KCPE exams this coming term, I advise you to go through all those revision questions in the Malkiat Singh textbooks, especially GHC. Oh, and that English Aid textbook will also come in handy in your future career. Speaking of careers, I know you always envisioned yourself as an astronaut in the future. It’s never gonna happen. In fact, there still ain’t any African lady astronaut.

As a consolation from the above revelation, you’ll be glad to know that you’ll still be a big cartoon lover in your adult future. Note the highlighting of the word ‘adult’; it’s because there aren’t many of us who still watch cartoons in adultville. Tom and Jerry, Samurai X and Johnny Bravo still air! Yaaay!

Still on TV matters, guess what? Catherine Kasavuli still graces our screens on prime time news and looks as beautiful as ever! Eve D’Souza still rocks the air waves at Capital FM though she now presents the morning show. On the flipside of things, can you imagine that Neighbours and The Bold and the Beautiful are still around? Seriously, these fellows need to get with the programme and start familiarizing themselves with the likes Leverage and Gossip Girl (oh, these are some of the shows that will be airing in your future).

As you join high school next year, you’ll be relieved to drop that nickname that guys have insisted on calling you since eternity (since you’ll be in a totally new environment). Bad news though; you’ll quickly acquire another one for reasons you’ll never really understand. Damn! Just when you thought you’d adopt to actually responding to your real name!

One last thing. You see your current height? Well, that’s as far as it goes. You’ll probably grow an inch or two but no one will really notice. Having said all that, my parting shot: just work hard and look forward to the future!


Yours truly,

Me.

First African World Cup with many 'Firsts'

I recently heard of an extreme case of post-World-Cup depression: on the evening of Monday 12th July, a couple of guys had already tuned in to one of the local channels that were airing the World Cup tournament ready with their cans of beer to watch the match. But wait a minute, what match? This is the question that woke them up of their drunken soccer stupor.

As I also suffer from post-World-Cup depression, always wondering what to do in the evenings when the matches used to air, I can’t help but think that this particular sporting tournament was special. There were many ‘firsts’.

For one, the event was held in Africa for the first time. This will definitely be a beautiful memory for all Africans as we hail South Africa for taking over the laborious task (not that anybody is complaining!) of showcasing such a successful World Cup on behalf of the continent.

….and how else would you remember this event without the mention of the vuvuzela? This was the first World Cup to be characterized by the three-foot-long plastic trumpet blown throughout games to create an atmosphere and also for celebration purposes.

Though this instrument came with a lot of calls for its ban, supposedly due to its high levels of noise, FIFA president Sepp Blatter however insisted that people should not attempt to "Europeanize" the African tournament. Way to go Seppy! At that point I really believed that this guy has a soft spot for Africa. Seriously, a vuvuzela ban would have robbed the African tournament part of its cultural identity.

Ever had another world tournament where a mollusc correctly predicted the winner of the final game? Yeah, your answer is as good as mine: this was the first World Cup to have a psychic octopus correctly predict the tournament winner, in this case, Spain. Paul the octopus correctly predicted seven of the matches that Germany played at the event, including its two losses to Serbia and Spain. The sea animal was put to task to make its eighth prediction, the Spain – Netherlands final, and it proved to be correct yet again!

There are people however who highly doubt Paul’s psychic abilities, claiming that he was attracted to flags with a red colour. I say, let’s just cut all the theories from this and accept the awe as it is! Oh, by the way, Paul’s aquarium declined to sell him to Spain with reports saying that a Spanish businessman had offered $40,000 to buy the octopus. Bad news though, the celebrity mollusc won’t be around for the next World Cup in Brazil since the life expectancy of an octopus is 3-4 years.

And here comes the biggest ‘first’! As we all know by now, the tournament produced a first-time World Cup winner, Spain! It officially joined the other seven countries that have previously held that title. Many people I know were actually shocked to learn that Spain had never won this event before. For a team that came into this tournament as the favourites, I was truly happy for the extremely talented squad. Viva Espana!

In the meantime, i'm contemplating becoming an avid follower of the ‘Dr Phil’ talkshow or those numerous Nigerian movies to fill in my ‘world cup time’ vacuum.

Kenya a Failed State? The Youth's Perspective

I’ve never been a fan of politics and the unfolding of political events in the country has especially made me indifferent towards the subject. This was not until the ‘Foreign Policy’ magazine recently ranked Kenya 13th on its annual list of failed states. On this one, I had an opinion. Yes, it is a failed state. To this effect, my comrades and fellow bloggers had mixed reactions pertaining my stand on the issue.

This year's failed states index drew on 90,000 publicly available sources to analyze 177 countries and rate them on 12 metrics of state decay namely brain drain, refugee flows, illegitimate governments, public services, inequality, group grievances, economic implosion, human rights violations, security threats, factionalized elites, external intervention and demographics.

MPs in Kenya have voted to boost their own salaries, making them among the world's best paid politicians. As we all know by now, our legislators are hell bent on seeing the implementation of the Akiwumi report that recommends them to earn an estimated $182,000 a year, more than America’s congressmen whose annual take home stands at $174,000 a year and nearly three times the $70,000 a year that Tanzanian MPs earn.

For a country to remunerate its members of parliament such amounts with internally displaced persons (IDPs) still in camps is simply appalling. Let me not even get started on issues such as inadequate hospitals, thousands of jobless graduates and scandals such as the maize one, Free Primary Education (FPE), makaburini, Triton, Anglo-leasing and Goldenberg which still remain unresolved. Are you still of the idea that this is not a failed state?

My friend Rahab disagrees: “I think it’s all because of the misuse of freedom our leaders who are driven by selfish interests. Thus, they make the state look like a failed one.”

A great friend, Carol, thinks the apathy of the people themselves (the electorate) is to blame. “Who chose those leaders? Who doesn’t hold them accountable? Who still calls them waheshimiwa? If we learnt and accepted that we can help ourselves and we don’t really need half educated people ruining our lives, then I think we would be better off as a country.”

At this juncture, Rahab interjects and asserts that whether the leaders are full or half educated, there is no difference.

I agree with Carol. Majority of the electorate just follow these so called leaders blindly. The problem here is that human stupidity is infinite as some philosopher put it.

Ann, my twin sister, sees it differently. “Is the glass half empty or half full? I choose half full! We aren’t a failed state, just a few mishaps but generally my choice between bad/good/best, I choose good. We aren’t the best but at the same time we aren’t that bad.”

At this point, I remind Ann of how things such as corruption are wired into people's genetics such that thinking otherwise is just but a mirage. For heaven's sake we even have goons who sell relief food to the hungry! These people embarrass us even in the international front e.g. Kabuga's case, the drama with the Jamaican hate cleric, corruption abroad in embassies, not forgetting Kenyans on the receiving end in Dubai.

The way matters are handled in this country also leaves a lot to be desired. Carol wonders when people will wake up and see a country isn’t meant to be in such a condition. “A citizen shouldn’t be arrested for no reason by cops and shouldn’t have to bribe their way out. We don’t have to be corrupt and no one has to get ahead of the others by taking advantage of people. But I guess it has to run its course before people agree to change. I just wonder who/what will trigger it.”

Wanjohi, a colleague at work, reckons that it’s more like a politically failed state. “However, we still kicking it, just not going anywhere in the near future...ahem 2012.”

“I think it’s time we did away with democracy. We need a powerful leader who is not directed by his corrupt cronies, a leader who will take Kenya where it ought to be and not where these looters we call 'leaders' are taking Kenya,” asserts John, a former classmate.

He had totally read my mind. I've always maintained that what this country needs is a development-oriented dictator. Kenyans simply can't handle democracy!

“Democracy is impractical in Kenya. I would like to see Gaddafi's style of leadership in Kenya,” John concludes.

Shehe, an avid blogger, wouldn’t let this slide without a fight. “The term ‘failed state’ is too harsh. Kenya, though poor and with greedy leaders, has the people that any country would rather have. Guys, we’ve got to be positive. Despite the immense challenges that we have faced and continue to face, we refuse to indulge in negativity or pessimism. We are an organization that believes in empowering people to be their best.”

All in all, my childhood comrade Wangui summed it best: “It (Kenya) should just be auctioned to the 'highest' bidder!”